this far

Grateful for those who grab you by the hand 
and pull you away and pray with you until your fingers stop shaking,
those who show you how Jesus has always provided,
{ with 'enough wisdom, enough strength, more than enough of Himself' }
those who remind you that there is peace in trusting 
an uncertain tomorrow to an unchanging God. 

My soul, remember, remember the One who has brought you this far.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you.... For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.'" (Isaiah 43:2-3)

an update of sorts

It was a grace-sandwich: two pieces of unexpected comfort served up cold, smashed on the front and back sides of the kind of news that sticks in your throat and three months later is still hard to swallow.

It started with a phone call from my doctor, several missed calls, and the realization that our relationship is not an ordinary one. He’d called several days in a row, but I was studying, skeptical that he would have an instant fix that was worth walking out of class to discuss.

It was Friday morning when I called him back, and the receptionist stuck him on the line seconds after I said hello. He’d told me before that he keeps my chart on his desk, and it humbles me to think of him thumbing through stacks of paperwork, making sure my symptoms aren’t a match.

When he got on the phone that afternoon, he didn’t waste words: a new study showed that women with all of my main symptoms, cluster headaches and acute migraines and chronic fatigue, were experiencing excellent results, alleviated pain, with one pill. He called the pharmacy as soon as we hung up, and a few hours later, I felt great. Over the years, I had actually forgotten what it’s like to feel well, and at the realization, I wept.

I’ve been sick for over a decade, diagnosed with neurologic Lyme disease three years ago, undergoing treatment ever since. That night, as soon as I started to feel better, I called the doctor’s office and celebrated with nurses and texted the news to friends and family, and we praised God for how He heals.

The next morning, I woke up and awaited a similar response, assuming it would come after I took the second pill, but it never came. By the evening, I had built a blanket-nest on the bathroom floor and was unable to walk, sleep, eat. My body had rejected the medicine and reversed its effects, and my hope was replaced with a hurt I felt no one would ever understand.

{ click to continue reading }

a very short post with an extra long title

So, yesterday, with its medical appointments and cluster headaches 
and broken sandals and mean strangers... was one of the worst days. 

But God, in His great kindness, provided comfort and hope and
the reminder that all things serve His purpose - even Mondays.

This afternoon, I opened a surprise package from an unfamiliar name - 

a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend - who read this little blog and 
is undergoing Lyme treatment and wanted to pen her own encouragement.

And, honestly, I have never been so convinced that when pain comes, 
nothing helps more than these little traces of the love of Christ.